Surprise Ending! People Suck,

Hi world. You suck. The end.

No, wait, there's more. Why do you suck? Because you're full of selfish, pompous douchebags.

Before you, the douchebags, get all snarl-faced, know that I include myself in this equation. So shut up, or I'll punch you in the throat. I am also selfish and pompous. I'm just not as good at getting what I want.

But hold up a second. Let's review the world today. Go to your nearest window. Just do it. Look outside. See the people? Try to distinguish between those who seem happy and those who seem frustrated--those who have managed to surround themselves with the things and people they want and those who've not. Got it?

Good. Hold an image of each and every one of those happy people in you mind while I tell you this: all those people recently stepped on someone, screwed them over, whined, cheated, or manipulated someone else to get their way.

Now, The Others. Put their images in your mind and hear this: some of those people have consciences. Some of those people today came to a proverbial "fork in the road", faced with a decision of whether or not they would, as the happy people would, cheat their way to happiness, and they chose the moral option. Now they are unhappy. And some of those people took the other route, cheating people, and yet have nothing to show for it. They've lost, and are, perhaps, the saddest group because of it. Having attempted to sacrifice their morality for happiness, they lost both.

And we're all to blame. All of us, because we take part in this system, we conform to it and shape ourselves to fit its pieces. Some of us even believe in it like a religion.

Haha! Just kidding! No one sees the world this way! How depressing would that be?

Puppies.

Ice Cream.

Summer Love.

Your dream car.

Bubbles.

A good joke.

The world cares.

The above is a work of bitches meant for comedic value. Any resemblance to actual persons, ideas, or feelings--living or dead--is coincidental.

OMG Frank Miller is like SO talented!

*Best Fanboy Impression*
If you only thought his movies were okay, THEN YOU ARE A F**KING RETARD. How dare you say that the almighty Frank Miller only takes already used plots and characters, slows it down, gores it up, films it in shroom-vision, and sells it as canned awesomeness?!
*Best Fanboy Impression*

I've been told, repeatedly, that Sin City and 300 are the greatest movies of all time. Why? Slow motion, black and white, blood, and strippers. Apparently, adding any of these elements to a scene causes elitist film students to wet themselves and scream about how brilliant you are. Or at least that's how it works for Mr. Frank Miller.

Maybe I'm too critical. Maybe that's just how Miller sees life. Every day of his life is a non-stop action thrill ride of noir cliches, ridiculously high blood pressure, super human abilities, and short term memory loss. Maybe all I need to understand his greatness is to try to see the world through his eyes....

SIN BATHROOM: 3300

In a dirty bathroom, on a dark and stormy night, one man is sitting on a badly tarnished toilet. Everything is in black and white. The man's face is contorted in unholy rage, squeezing out a massive crap. Close up on his face (profile), contrasted as a pure black outline against gray background. He cries out in pain. He's straining so hard he breaks his teeth (in slow-mo), and bites his tongue in half. Blood sprays all over every wall, the floor, and ceiling for five minutes while a deep, throaty male voice-over reads "Green Eggs and Ham". Enter a blond female dressed in a tight leather maids' outfit, fishnets, and high heels, holding a BIG ASS gun in one hand and a whip in the other. They just STARE INTENSELY at each other for two minutes. Blood drips from man's mouth (blood in color). Close up on woman's gun, then eyes, then her ass with the man on the toilet seen in the back ground through her legs. Woman spouts some cliche nonsense through a thick accent (Asian, southern, English, whatever). In slow mo, both pull out cigarettes and metal lighters and start smoking. Smoke billows dramatically in the air for ten minutes.
Splash in the toilet.
BATHROOM EXPLODES!!! (flames in color)
Police sirens can be heard in the distance while the run-down building burns. Screen fades to black....

Then fades into a completely unrelated scene featuring characters no one knows or cares about--a McDonald's in the slums (neon sign says "GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS" and "BIG MAC MONDAY" in color). A female stripper dressed as Ronald McDonald pole dances in the lobby (big red shoes in color) while a man in the back room beats his wife. Another man molests a child in the corner. Everyone is smoking a cigarette (including molested child). Close up of every part of strippers body in this order: hair, eyebrows, lips, armpits, breasts, elbows, back, hips, kneecaps, and ankles. While hanging upside down, the stripper cuts her finger on the floor, causing blood to shoot ten feet into a crowd of customers. Man in crowd jerks off in slow motion while dramatic music plays.

Homework Aversion Therapy.

What I learned today: when I have homework to do, the clock is ticking, and I've lost all hope of completing the assignment, I create a pointless blog. I say pointless, because what can I say that no one's heard millions of times over and over?

The internet was supposed to give voice to the individual, but I think it just created more noise to drown them out--also lots of porn. Lots, and lots, and lots of porn.

Just know that it the time it takes to read this, everyone else on your street has had sex--half of them for money, and a quarter of them for webcams.

See? Pointless.